Memory Lane

Here are some pictures of Patrick and Kyle putting up Miller's sign on Memory Lane at Artex. Artex is the Woodruff's ranch where Patrick and Kyle grew up hunting, fishing, shooting skeet, riding 4-wheelers, sitting around bonfires, relaxing, AND working;)! It's the place where Patrick escapes reality. His "happy place"! Now when he goes out there, he will think of Miller:). On the entry road to the lodge, Jim has started what he calls Memory Lane. He makes these signs for their dear friends and family that have passed away, who spent time with them out at Artex. Unfortunately, Miller never made it to Artex, (except for in my belly;), but we did have big dreams of him going there with us. Patrick can't wait until Cole is old enough to take hunting. Cole already loves to go to Artex! His favorite things to do are feed the deer, play basketball, and toss rings! I'm ready for this Fall when the weather cools off to get back out there and spend some quality time with the fam:)!

Notice the cross on the top. My friend Jessie and her husband made us that cross out of railroad ties. So neat!

This is Cole Phillips sign. He was Patrick's best friend that was killed in a car accident back in 1998.

Signs? I Think So:)!

My friend, Sarah, said when Miller passed away that he would send signs. I know she always sees signs that Mamie sends her, and I hoped Miller would send us signs too, but I didn't know if I would catch them. Well, I can honestly say that our baby boy is "calling home" (as my friend Kate calls it:). Here are a few examples:

As soon as we got in the car from Miller's memorial service, I got on my phone to look at Facebook, and the picture below is the 1st thing I saw. Jason Husdon had posted this picture and it's caption said, "Storm clouds over Rogers at noon today." WOW!!! I commented and said "My baby's funeral happened to be at noon in Rogers today, and I can't help but see him in these clouds." I think he was as touched as we were that he just happened to take this picture of the sky at the same time Miller's memorial service was beginning, so he changed the word "storm clouds" to "Heavenly clouds" and tagged Patrick and me in it. Later that night, one of our friends sent us a message on Facebook and said that she and her husband were looking at this picture and noticed the "m" in the lower right corner. Do you see it??? Crazy, huh:)?!! Then, I took it to Hot Springs the next weekend to show my parents and asked my dad to tell me what he saw, thinking he would point out the "m" and he immediately started noticing "faces". You may think I am crazy, but I see them too! My dad printed himself out a copy and got a sharpie and circled all of the faces he saw. I haven't seen his marked up version of it, but I am telling you, this is a true picture of HEAVEN! Hello, Miller:).....


The morning of Miller's service, Patrick put this decal on my car. I asked him to take a picture of it with his phone so I could post it on Facebook, and this is what the picture turned out like. I LOVE the reflection of the clouds in the glass of my back window! Hello, Miller:).....

My Uncle Kenny sent me this picture. He randomly came across it in a photo album from 2002. Notice the umbrella in the background? Miller was with us before we even knew it! Hello, Miller:).....

After Patrick and I went to Circle of Life Hospice to present them with a check from the First Security Bank Jeans Day, we decided since we were out that way we would go to Mama Z's in Tontitown to eat spaghetti. The Grape Festival is coming up, so girls are running for 2011 Queen Concordia. To do this, they sell raffle tickets for a truck. When we walked into Mama Z's there was a lady sitting there selling tickets for her daughter. She asked if we wanted to buy some, and of course we were going to, but Patrick randomly asked what her daughter's name was. I was thinking to myself, "who cares what her name is, just buy some tickets and lets go eat." Well, her name happened to be: Jordan (which is my maiden name) MILLER!!! Hello, Miller:).....

At some point in the near future, we want to do a fundraiser for Miller. We are trying to decide between a 5k, a golf tournament, a dinner/dance/auction type event, or ALL of the above;)! Yesterday I got on the computer to do some research and came across FSMA's fundrasing webpage. I clicked on the "golf tournament" link and saw this picture. Hello, Miller:).....

I know y'all may think I'm nuts, but I honestly think he is sending us signs to let us know he is okay. It makes me smile EVERY time! Keep calling home Miller McNeil! We can't wait until we "see" you again:)!!!

Saving Grace

This little boy has been our saving grace! I can't tell you how thankful I am for him! I think about families that loose their first born, and my heart hurts for them. Not that having Cole makes loosing Miller any easier, but having Cole gives me a purpose. I can't imagine if we had come home to an empty house! Because of Cole, I HAVE to get out of bed in the morning. I HAVE to put a smile on my face. I HAVE to continue living. Not only do I HAVE to do these thing, I WANT to do them! I love nothing more in this world than being a mom, and I am SO lucky God blessed me with 2 beautiful boys:)!!!

More Miller Pics

My cousin, Jordan, snapped these pictures of Miller when she was here to visit us. She posted them on facebook, but I know not all of our friends and family are on facebook, so I thought I would share them on the blog as well. They are too precious for everyone to not see:).....

Last Night At Home

These pictures are from Miller's last night at home. We had been to his pulmonologist appointment earlier this day and got the bad news that she didn't think Miller had much longer to live. We had no idea how little she meant. Look how content and alert he is:).....

little frog legs:)....

He LOVED sleeping on his belly. Because of his condition, he could breathe easier that way.....

THIS is where he would end up EVERY night at some point:).....
The next day is when we decided we needed to take him to the hospice house. Here we are rocking him in his nursery for the very last time.....

What A Difference A Year Makes.....

What a difference a year makes! One year ago today, I surprised Patrick with a positive pregnancy test:)! I remember it like it was yesterday. We had decided the month before that we were ready to start trying for a baby again, but had no idea it would happen so soon. With both of my pregnancies, we got pregnant the very first month we tried! I know we are SO blessed because of that. It breaks my heart to hear of people having fertility issues, so for that, I am thankful! We were supposed to go to dinner at some friends house that Friday night, and I knew I would want to have a glass of wine, so I thought I better take a test just to be safe;)! I was so excited when it showed up positive! I couldn't wait to tell Patrick, but he was playing in a golf tournament and I didn't want to tell him over the phone. I was pacing the house and couldn't sit still, so I loaded Cole up and we headed to McDonald's. On the way out the door, for some CRAZY reason, I threw the pregnancy test in my purse. Gross and random, I know;)!!! Hahahah!!!! While in the McDonald's drive thru, my car broke down:(! It just quit working! I have no idea what was wrong with it. It was a 2008 Acadia, so it wasn't like it was an old hoopty car, but it literally quit working! I freaked out and called Patrick, who had LUCKILY just gotten in his truck and was headed home from the golf tournament. I told him what happened and he came to the rescue;)! On the way home, he said, "Man.....crazy day, huh?". I said, "You have no idea!" and pulled the positive pregnancy test out of my purse! I know, it's not a very sweet/romantic way to break the news, but the second time around, it is what it is;). He was shocked! We were driving down the road screaming for joy, meanwhile, Cole was in the back seat as confused as ever;)! So, as I mentioned earlier, we were going to a cookout at our friends house that night, and I am kind of a "wine-o":), so I knew if I didn't have a glass of wine, my friends would bust me, so on the way to their house, we called my parents to tell them the news and stopped by Nana and Papa's house so that Cole could tell them! Baby Woodruff #2 was on the way and we were on Cloud 9!!!

We had no idea what was in store for us! If I said I wouldn't change a thing, I'd be lying, because of course, I would do ANYTHING to have Miller here with us now, but under the circumstances, life is good! God is GOOD, and we trust that THIS is our life plan. I think about Miller EVERY SECOND of EVERY DAY! It can be a bit emotionally draining, but I am so glad I remember him so vividly, and SO THANKFUL for the memories we have! Those 87 days were so very precious to our family!!! It is crazy to think he was only here for 87 days! It seemed like he was here for years! We developed such a deep bond with him in such a short time! I think everyone that laid eyes on him, whether in person or in pictures, developed a bond with him. He had a way of drawing you in with those BIG, BEAUTIFUL eyes!!! He was, without a doubt, one of God's angels:)!

I plan to start updating the blog more often. I have more pictures I want to share of Miller, and I want to keep y'all up to date with Big Brother Cole:)! For those of you wondering, he is doing good! Hasn't missed a beat, and certainly isn't being neglected! If anything, he is being SMOOTHERED with Love:)!!! I notice little things he does now, that I don't think I would have noticed before. The little things in life are SO much more precious now. Thank you Miller for making me a more appreciative, more patient, and more loving Mother. I can't wait until the day I hold you again, but in the meantime, know that I love you! More than anything in this world.....I LOVE YOU!!!